Sex
They say that pregnancy can either make you horny or put you off sex altogether.
They don’t tell you that it does both, and often at the same time, so that the idea of it is far more pleasurable than the act. You can imagine how changing your mind part way through er enhances one’s relationship with one’s partner.
There is no denying that being pregnant makes you feel like a woman. And sex with absolutely no contraception is a huge turn on. So when your boyfriend has also been 3000 miles away for the last 4 weeks, sex is likely to be found somewhere near the front of your mind, ravenously stampeding all other thoughts out of the way. Of course, when said boyfriend has also proposed to you before you have even left the airport, nothing is going to distract you from fulfilling the 200 or so dirty text messages you have been sending each other to get you through the last few days of your separation.
For the first few weeks you are filthily horny, especially after you realise sex isn’t going to cause a miscarriage. You are pregnant but not yet hefty with it, and you feel more like a woman than you have ever felt before. For the sympathetic boyfriend, for whom no is rarely an option, it feels like all his Christmases have come at once.
Unfortunately, your body has become so sensitive that the slightest touch can turn you on. Your breasts are on fire, and your nipples feel like they are wired to the National Grid; all he has to do is look at them to set them buzzing. And “down there” you have never been so sensitive in your life. It is exquisite.
It is also just about the only perk of being pregnant.
And like everything else in your life, it is about to take a nosedive.
Don’t get me wrong, you still want to. It’s just that once your belly starts to look like you’ve shoved a melon up your jumper, you find it becomes a tad difficult. You lack bendiness, and frankly you lack the energy to do anything about it. You know you could try another position, but bloody hell, can you really be bothered to manoeuvre yourself into another pose ?
No.
Your heroic boyfriend, who is stoically resigned to late pregnancy rationing, desperately tries to secure a result. He positions you on the bed, insists on doing all the work, patiently tries new ideas (this is the most patient he has ever been in his life, but also the most desperate) as he tries everything and anything to avoid the inevitable anguished howl of “Nnnnooooo, you can’t do this to me”.
Sorry hon, I can and I have.
You still want his body, you still need his physical touch, but your own body, battered by the storms of pregnancy, needs to look after itself before it gives to another. So it hunkers down, closes up shop, and locks the boyfriend out. You’re not pleased about it, either of you, but neither of you has the energy to face the disappointment of trying to do anything about it.
Instead you both resign yourself to 4 months without sex.
You watch the porn channel and count the days to your body’s homecoming.
